July 23, 2003
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HELP! You bastards! I need help!
Thank you, Hunter S. Thompson. But I really do need help, and not in the form of some crazed antidote made from the adrenal gland of a small child, either! (I already had coffee this morning)
I'm bored, and consequently, I'm BORING. This totally sucks. I'm not used to being the boring one. I'm used to being the one with the crazy ideas. The one who doesn't care how late it is. The one who doesn't have anything to lose. Aaaaiieeeee..... Don't get me wrong...I love being a mom, and really, I think that I could do better at thinking up creative things to do with my son. I thought that all this unleashed creativity would flood out when he started getting old enough to DO stuff and the two of us would be an unstoppable flurry of creative activity. Mostly, though, I spend my mornings doing dishes and laundry, trying to get him to pee in the toilet, while monitering how many computer games he's played. I get dressed, I go to work. I come home for "night-night". We read and/or bathe. He asks a dozen questions trying to delay the inevidable (kind of cute, actually..."Mommy, I need to tell you somethin'.", "What is it sweetie?", "I need to tell you about the cars.", "what about them?", "They are in a box. Okay, you can go now! Night-night!" blows me a kiss. Awwwwww!)
*sigh* I feel close to something big, but I can't tell what it is. It's like a dream that you can only remember vague impressions about after you wake up. There are so many things I want to try. I got my license to do hair in the hopes that it would be a vehicle to something else. But now that something else is on the back-burner until I can A. Pay off student loan from beauty school and B. Think up a different "something else" because the old one isn't that appealing anymore. (I wanted to go back to college, get my bachelor in Art History, I only have like, 45 credtis left to go, and then get my masters in education so I could teach.) Now that I have a child that I'm planning on HOMEschooling, going off to spend my day with other kids who are trapped at school doesn't sound so great. Yesterday I started thinking about becoming a Beauty school instructor. But dammit! I just got my new health insurance through my work, and I would have to give it up to do something new. SUCK! How boring is that??? Gawd, I feel like an old lady, sometimes.
One of these days, it will come to me, like a lightening strike on a sultry summer day....*crackle* BOOM!!!!!
Comments (2)
Oh, I hear you. I think that it is just a hard transition to make, from crazy single person to responsible mom, and at the same time hold on to some craziness. It is too hard to make the change in the first place, so we just let go for a while. But it's still there. I could sense it in you before. It'll get back out, you'll find an avenue for it and still be as good a mom as ever.
i'm all for supporting jessica's craziness. i'll bring the tequila!
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